Cold Hard Harsh, Reality.

Cold Hard Harsh Reality. well at least MY reality.

fudge. i was so furious this afternoon. well my classmates knew why. i shouldnt be mentioning names or whatever but i have my right to express this burden.

altruism --- a defense mechanism in which, when feeling strong emotion or stress, the person would obsessively help other people. :|

ako ba yun? am i like that? i like helping people.,i like stress <?> somehow. i love drama. i'm efficient and i dont ask questions. i dont say no for an answer--- to authorities of course.

 

alam ko. this is not a good attitude. you can blame my parents for that. i grew up. not to ask questions. just do what you're told. RESPECT in the highest meaning of the word. i didnt mind getting hurt. getting insulted. getting expected of. crying without anyone knowing [i cry, because i did not want to feel the destructive emotion of anger. but i guess my brother knew. but he never bothered to help me. i never bothered to help him. our parents controlled what needed be.]

 

i'm feeling little droplets of liquid in my eyes right now. [thanks louise :) ] i feel abused somehow. and "something" isnt right. i'm feeling deterioration. dont take it seriously, that's what you said, but i dont know. I CANT NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. para kong tanga to ponder about this. and somehow maybe i'll laugh about this in the future. but this is present pain. this is happening now. this is what i want to forget. this is why i write.

 

hindi lang tong incident na to ang dahilan. marami pa. i guess yun lang ang sindi ng dynamite ng lahat.[9:30pm]

[9:53pm]oh di ba. busy ako. :)) ayun. medyo okay na. [thanks louise ulit and paula D] somehow alam niya kung papano ako dapat i-handle. SIGH.

nawala na ang momentum ng galit at emosyon ko.

 

NAALALA KO BIGLA.

 

the thing that keeps me going.

 

[after being hurt by the people i love the most.]

 

is.... are..

 

MY FRIENDS. :]

 

 

[tears ulit--- 9:56pm]

[10pm] these people make everything feel better. :) [tumawag pa si rona] :D

 

siguro. i may be passive most of the time. busy. doesnt give a damn about anyone or anything as long as i finish what i'm working on. minsan nalilimutan kong mangamusta. or bumati ng birthday. or busy ako.

pero. i can tell you here. that when the time comes that you need me. and tell me what you need. i will be there for you. i know it's hard.that i should be the one approached. i'm selfish. i'm busy. i dont have time for you.

 

but the real friends i have. know that i'm just a girl. waiting to be bailed out of a well i fell in.

 

i treasure them the  most :) if you dont feel the same way. i dont care. masaya ako kapag kasama ko kayo. if you leave me, fine. i can live with the fact that you people were the reason that i kept going on. but can you? 

 

i love you guys. :) thanks so much. nasira ang essence ng angry blog. naging emo. :)) at nostalgic.  

Club Manila East Escapade! [04.06.2009]

Well. finally convinced my parents to have an outing. :)
it gets pretty boring at home. :)) XD

me.mom.abby.ave.
kami kami lang. :D

saka na yung mga captions. inaantok na ako.
nagsama-sama mga vain! X]]

featuring
ang bagong addition sa aking pamilya ng
mga flipflops... ang bunso :)) yung orange kong havaianas. :) welcome XDD

Turn Back the Pendulum [Bleach flashback]

this shows the lives of the Vaizard before they became Vaizard and the lives of the present captains. :)) so nice. although mahaba, it's worth it. :))

the young byakuya and ichimaru are so kawaii. :))

DANCE! Jive!

:)) group namin.

DANCE! Pasa Doble! :D

pasa doble na nga ba? ewan ko di ko makta ung vids. :))

Troy Avenue.

Start:	Feb 1, '09 2:00p
Location:	SM North.

uhhh. for english?

Archimedes Rainforest Trip! 01/24/09

Rainforest, Pasig. :)) games. awww. i wasnt able to playy... or swimm eittheerr.. :[ but it was fun then :))

Macbeth performance :]

hahahha. macbeth; wala akong kuha nung mismong play.. awww. :] anyway they all said it was a good play and i do believe so too. congrats sa archies! :D

ROCK! :]] an entry about yesterday.

:]] God is soo good.

^^ i really like how yesterday ended. :]] really cool. it ROCKS! XD and you're wondering right now, what's with that word. well that was our team word. we kept on repeating over and over. XD

first it was like this. We were sooo late compared to our set departure time from school cause ms. frias was still at the division office singing. and we were like...

"We're late. we're disqualified." and somethings like that. well i most of the negative thinking came from me. X] as kuya amiel said about me: "You were born a pessmist..." XD

well my pessimism and my thoughts dont usually happen and they didnt. mam frias arrived just in the nick of time. and we arrived there before anything could start! God is Great!

the elimination and semifinals just proceeded... even though it was carried out it an orderly fashion it managed to kill 3 hours. spelling takes soo long to finish.well anyway. we were crossing our fingers and praying all the way and we managed to get into the finals with Lourdes. God's grace again.

****okay. why do i keep on saying things about God's grace. well i've learned that if you offer things to God and let him manage everything, he'll do the best for you. before in contests i used to pray: "Lord, please let us win..." and stuff like that but for the past contest and the Science Olympiad... i prayed.."this is for the exaltation of your name..." and boom! :] he rewards those loyal to him. words are incomparable to how i feel about this.

okay. the finals were really tense. sobrang close fight. nagtie kami for like 2 times. they got ahead two times too. :] my three words were: provocateur, pseudonym and connoisseur. i spelled provocateur wrong. :\ but it's fine! kuya amiel managed to spell all of his right. and our winning word was... Euthanasia. --yeah. mercy killing. XD

well we came home with high spirits, some stuff and a trophy. but what i valued the most is the friendship we created between ourselves. how i made kuya amiel and regeanne laugh soo hard. and how andrew made me laugh so hard. :]] we even used one pen for all the written rounds. ;] quite cool. :D

we returned to school to get our stuff. it was dark as heck. :0 and scary too. i went home. and the day ended with me scared... 0_0 hotel626 is some game. :]] hahaha.

lalalalalife. you win some. you lose some. :]

Mandaluyong in the 70's

And yeah i said i'd be sleeping by now, but i just can resist writing this down after listening to my dad reminisce. :D

okaayy. i few facts before anything else -- i live in gueventville II, brgy. Mauway, Mand. city.

TRIVIA: According to my dad... Mauway was the most feared barangay in Mandaluyong because.. maraming siga dito! XDD hahahha. another one, GueventII used to be a volkswagen factory. :] hahahaha..

okay. we were like eating at home, when i asked my dad if ghosts were real, and suddenly he got to this nostalgic mood and he was going on and on about his old days.... how he used to beat up the other kids XD hahaha. tagalugin ko na nga para mas maintindihan...

grabe pala tatay ko dati... dati daw, may bata, crackling his knuckles in front of him, sabi ng tatay ko., "Ano problema mo?"... umalis ung isang bata, nagdala ng kasama... Pagtingin daw sa tatay koo... "Si jojo pala yan oh.." alis sila eh., XD hahahhaha.

mandaluyong before rather where we are right now a few decades before, it was mad. that's what he said. guys fighting each other, my dad even saw a dead guy stuffed up somewhere where they threw garbage.. [roughly infront of the gate of guevent]. Ang barangay mauway ay isang lugar, kapag nagpakita ka ng konting yabang, bugbog ka. -that's what my dad said. there were fights everywhere, dead guys? there were trees too [which i find quite unimaginable right now]. i mean, it was full of action and as my dad was telling stories, i was feeling the adrenaline myself. natawa ako eh, sumuntok daw ng pulis tatay ko eh. XDD hahahha. i wish i was like that. XD

basketball before was a physical sport. you could smack your opponent and not get thrown off the game. XD hahahhaha. what's funny is that they beat up some guys during a game and they stayed in front of the gate and those guys were too scared to try to leave. hahahha.

i liked how he described those fights. isang time daw, they entered another territory tapos naiwan un kasama nila, tapos tinali daw sa puno ng mangga. XD hahaaha. i mean whoah. and then my dad was left in a fight tapos umuwi ung kapatid nia [tito ko] para daw kumuha ng kutsilyo. XD hahahha.

okay. bottomline. i love the adrenaline, those were after the martial law days. it seemed sooo cool. it was like an action movie everyday. i even got a cool quote from my dad, it's what his father told him. "Makipagsuntukan ka, wag ka lang uuwi ng umiiyak." it's pretty cool 'cause i never met my grandfather. i like the thought too. :]

the stories my father shared me tonight. only instilled to me one thing: Weak people won't survive in a world like this.

 

now i know why my mom married dad. :] pareho kami.

Archies Costume Party! :]]

hahaha. october 29 o8.

i know.

well this is sort of my version of Kuya marc's rants over at the GreenChronicles.

i always wonder why my life seems to breeze past me. i mean. one minute i'm sitting in class the next second i'm somewhere i dont want to be in.

i'm really starting to get ticked off by these contests. i'm very BUSY. yeah. i'm VERY BUSY. i've been saying that all the time. Using it as an excuse which really is the reason. I missed how much? i'm not talking about the quizzes or the grades or the classes i've missed. but the people i've denied my presence of. my friends. my family. the people i want to be with.

it's depressing that i cant stand up and say NO. Do i like the pressure? the rewards? the success? the depression? the complication? being not there when i need to be there the most? what's happening? i promised myself that i would take control of MY life. But why cant i seem to stop this madness? was it because people are expecting me to do this? or was it no one else CAN do it? Rather no else WANTS to do it?

Cant i deny those people? 3 days ago, i was crying. I was horribly frustrated because nothing seemed to go my way. i couldnt do homework. i was just in my room, depressed. i missed two birthdays of the two people i love. how can i memorize Seratonin -- C10H12N2O and not realize that it's a birthday of my dear friend?! what type of android have i become? have i ceased to become human and started to erase emotions?

i have not been writing lately. i have not been drawing lately. all those things that i once thought was fun. i cant seem to do them. why? because i'm BUSY. VERY BUSY.

everything seems so ironic. so sarcastic. the weather is mocking me. the flowers, birds and trees! they all mock me with their NOT BUSY lives. i want to take life, step by step. not like the movie "CLICK". my world is not remote-controlled. i take control. God does.

Random Pics :D

pics i happen to take cause i feel like it's really good.

Science Olympiad - Sept. 06 08

me, kuya marc, kuya james and sir gimeno in Angelicum College in Quezon City... :D a hundred item test. oh no. will we pass the top twenty? :D pray for us! :D