2011 Resolutions

It's the first time actually, that i'm making a list of resolutions. (Well you know, except the ones they make you do in CL class in elementary).

Probably, it's because i've realized that i've done so many wrong things in my life. 

Generally, i'm happy, but then from time to time i just break down and be a mess for my friends to pick up after. 

This year's gonna be different. No, starting this year, everything will be different. :)

1. I will do my best not to cry anymore. [Naks, totoo yan. ;)]

2. I will not go emo anymore. [Because I have awesome friends that are there for me. So why bother?]

3. I will do a better job of keeping the people I love happy.

4. If I do ever fall in love / like someone, I will not try to fight / deny it to myself, at least.

5. I will put God above all things. 

And yes, procrastination is not on the list. I do not lie. :))

Okay. 3.30 AM. Alone now. 

Hey what'd you know, I've been living for more than 17 years now. 

Gah. I'm turning 18 this year. They can put me in jail. D:

2010 was a big year for me. As in like, Ginormous. 

Andaming drama, pare. 

And well, I've done so many things I regret now.

I've made other people shed tears--and my own too. 

I get lost in the things I want that I end up having nothing.

I've done and said things I'm not proud of. 

And well, I've kept them all with me, the whole year.

All these negative feelings toward specific persons and to myself.

I carried them, all the way til this second.

But no longer. Starting now, 

I am going to let go of all of them.

And finally forgive myself. 

Nothing good will come out of sulking. 

I should just move on and learn from them, right?
Sounds cliche but hey, I really find it hard to do. 

You all know me, OC on mistakes. 

Ang dami kong narealize this year. 

Sobra.

AS IN. MAJOR MAJOR.

All in a plan. :)

Pero, marami naman din akong magandang karanasan noong 2010. 

I've made a lot of people smile and laugh. 

I've gotten physical distance from old friends

and met new ones. 

Haha. Naggraduate ako ng HS. At ngayon, nasa kolehiyo na. 

I've learned a lot [nerd alert!].

I've had a lot of priceless moments that will forever stay with me. 

Thank you, 2010. :)

Ngayong 2011,

I've got a pocket full of new perspective,

a whole bag of determination,

and 365 days worth of road ahead. 

I have family and friends with me. 

And I'm looking at this road with high hopes. 

Who knows? Baka ma-A ko ang math. [naks.]

Baka matapos ko yung poem collection ko.

Baka di na ako mag-emo! :))

Baka ma-inlove ako :">

Baka magpahaba ako ng buhok. XD
Baka gumanda pa ako lalo. :"> [or baka pumangit. :)) ]

Pwede ring,

matulog ako,

at baka hindi na ako magising.

I wanna live everyday of this year like it's my last. 

2011, here I come. :)

God be with me. 

3:48AM Jan1,2011

It Takes a Second [A Poem]

It Takes a Second

 

In a certain time,

In a certain town,

In a certain school,

In a certain playground,

In a certain part,

Where no grass grew,

There lay pebbles two.

 

They never spoke to,

In front of, each other

(Never bothered to try too)

For each had his own wonder.

His own  space,

His own resilience,

His own ways,

His own existence.

 

So why bother?

 

 

One day,

Where one of them lay,

A boy kicked a pebble away.

(Movement.)

The galaxy was pushed into disarray.

 

The other pebble watched,

As the universe unraveled,

It was the very first time,

He saw either of them traveled

(a distance).

 

It takes a second to realize.

 

 

“Oh what curiosity!

Oh what new bounds!

Oh what stupidity,

To think that I am sound.”

 

He wants to move too.

 

 

 

He tried.

And tried.

 

 

 

 

But he couldn’t.

 

It takes a second to realize. 

UP Lantern Parade 2010 / A Small Christmas Party

The parade was cool but what was cooler was i got to see my friends. :)

And not just see them, i got to talk to them like before. Make jokes and do outrageous things. :))

Ano nga ba ang mga interesting na bagay na ginawa ko? :))

1. Wah. Nakakain/nakainom ulit ako ng Taho. Sponsored by Louise Mari.

2. Nakapagpalipad ng "copter" na umiilaw. :))

3. Nakakita ng mga pokemon na pumaparada.

4. Nakalapit na kay oble.

5. Nakita si ARNI!!!! Whoah.

6. Naglakad papuntang Philcoa mula kay oble. (habang kumakanta ng Huling El Bimbooo...)

7. Umupo sa gitna ng kalsada sa UP.

8. Kumanta habang naglalakad sa kalsada (Jason M, ATL, etc.)

9. Nakakain muli sa pinakapaboritong branch ko ng Mcdo. :> (Saan pa ba? Barangka, siyempre :)) ) 

10. Shared dinner with few of my closest buds. 

HAY. ANG SARAP.

Iqquote ko lang si charmaine...

"Di na ata ako matututong uminom,

ngayon pa lang, parang lasing na ako eh." :)))

Nakakalasing ang pagkakaibigan natin. :)) I agree. 

Sumakit ang tiyan ko sa katatawa. :)) 

I remember the days, when we used to have late night practices/projects, and we all used to walk through the streets of Mandaluyong late at night. With the cold chilly air  embracing us as we went our way back to our homes.

Times and places have changed. We're supposedly older now. :)) 

Instead of Mandaluyong, we walked through the streets of Quezon city.

We're now in the ocean, no longer a pond. 

But you know, times may have changed but our friendship hasn't.

ANG SARAP MAGING KAIBIGAN NIYO. 

:) I love you guys. So much. 

Merry Christmas. :)

"Thank you, friends (but)" by Abba Marie Moreno

Wow. I wrote a poem, after how long. :))) :> 

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Thank you, friends (but)

by Abba Marie Moreno

It is past midnight.

The wind, it howls,

And the wind, it blows,

Yet the woods are

Silent as a rose.

Dearest Dawn,

It is past midnight.

It is past midnight.

The darkest is over.

The stars have been well

To me, to listen, to hear,

The stories that they tell.

Dearest Dawn,

Is it past midnight?

Is it past midnight?
I am unable to sleep.

Alone, beneath the night(?) sky,

Knowing there's a sun, it brings, 

Kisses and breathes to me life.

Dearest Dawn, 

Please do come for me. 

Thoughts Before Nightfall. [A Short Story ]

Thoughts Before Nightfall by Abba Marie Moreno

Anna trudged her way to the top of the hill where a single tree stood. The sun was setting and the slopes were bathed in the sun’s glorious rays. She stood there under the shade of the wise tree—overlooking the whole Village of Arte Neo. The amihan played with her long black hair as it blew softly. Slowly, she closed her eyes and welcomed the cool wind’s kisses. As it passed, she opened her eyes and stared at the village.

She gave a sigh.

 

In a few days, I will be back there. Oh, how time passes, she thought.

 

She sat down among the blades of grass. She sighed once more. Rest was ephemeral. In a few more days, the village would be once again open to Wanderers—men and women like her, in search of The Purpose.

 

The Purpose, she thought to herself. I wonder why most Wanderers go to the Enlightened Villages in search of it. Purpose, a place where you belong? Purpose, something you ought to do? Purpose, an intricate plan of a good future. Future, who can say how much is left? Agggh. I think too much.

 

The orange ring of hydrogen and helium was gradually engulfed by the distant hills and valleys. She examined how the golden rays slowly moved away from her.

 

Time is fleeting. She thought.

 

Not too long ago, she was baffled by the thoughts of surviving the first Stage of Wandering. She had studied long and hard under Kemi’s Tree and had been terribly confused by the House of Freakalkyuloose. She had gone through a lot of mentors and wizards and what not. On particular days, hope did not seem to dawn her [Ironically, she was still up at dawn]. And yet, with fervent prayers, she survived Stage I of her First Year of Wandering.

 

She gave another sigh. Was it of relief? Or of weariness? Four and a half years more ‘til she receives The Purpose of an Alchemist. It’s a very long way to go.

 

After about four more years, I’d finally go through the Ritual of Enlightenment.

And finally, receive The Purpose—a diploma.

 

In Thrae, we’re all looking for The Purpose, or at least anything close to one. Perhaps for prestige? For money? For luxuries? Or for mere survival? And it’s sort of sad, I guess, that this is what we measure our lives with.

 

Maybe, deep inside, we’re looking for a purpose. [I guess that’s what we should measure our lives with.]

And we just get confused by our wants and needs and get lost. And confuse The Purpose for an actual one.

 

I’ve known many Wanderers, and sometimes, they forget what they’re really doing this for.

I’ve always known my purpose. I know why I’m here.

It’s the world, actually, who’s in search of why I’m here.

 

She smiled and took something from her pocket—pictures. They were slightly illuminated by the escaping sun but she could still see the figures in the pictures [and perhaps even without light, she could]. Nightfall was  here and it’s about time to make her way back to the camp. She needed her rest, for in a few more days, she would be back in the Village of Arte Neo.

 

I do think too much. She sighed. 

Intrams and Random Senior Pics. :))

Uber late post too. =))

Grad Pics. :)

Uber late post.

Dynamite. The Fourth of July.

TANAAAAAN! :)) Tagal ko na rin palang hindi nagsusulat. Yung horror story ko di ko na natuloy, bv. Pero so far, sobrang dami kong thoughts gusto ko na lang magsulat nang magsulat. :)) Di ko muna lalagyan ng metaphors at whatevers na dinedecipher  namin sa Lit13. At dahil siguro may hangover ako sa pagbabasa ng Paboritong Libro ni Hudas, medyo tatagalugin at direct na lang to. XD

Hehe. nonsense lang to, wag na basahin. :)))) XD

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Nanood ako ng Toy Story 3 kahapon. Well, in my opinion, it wasn't "Toy Story 3." It was more like of "Toy Story's The End." or at least something like that. Medyo agree ako sa kuya ko, mas maganda ang 1 and 2, sadyang nakakaiyak lang 3. :)) Anyway...

Tungkol dyan kay Woody at Buzz at si Andy (na hot na ngayon :)) ),
sobra talaga akong umiyak. Pangalawang beses ko maiyak sa loob ng sinehan (Yung una, isang Gay movie), at tulo nang tulo ang luha ko talaga.

Patungo sa dulo ng movie. (Umalis si Andy at nagcollege, naiwan ang mga laruan sa isang kapitbahay na bata), biglang pumasok sa utak ko:
SHIT. Pano kapag nangyari na sa kin yan?

Tapos napaisip ako ulit:
SHIT. Mag-iisang buwan na ako sa college. :)))))))))))))

Ayun. Haha. Mag-iisang buwan na nga ako sa college. Ano na nga ba ang naaccomplish ko? =)) Hmmm.
-Siyempre mangunguna dyan na meron na akong bagsak na quiz sa math! =))) woooooo.
-uhh. nabasa na ng ulan dahil malayo layo ang paglalakbay ko pauwi.
-nakadalawang bisita na sa UP! :)) Sana makita ko na si Zorro! XD
-Wala pa naman akong cuts.
-unti-unti ko nang napapaniwala ang mga blockmate ko na pogi ako. hahahahhaha :)))))

Anyway. Dito na papasok ang medyo serious part ng blog ko na ito.

Mag-iisang buwan na nga ako sa college. Alam niyo, akala ko dati, pagcollege ka na, parang sobrang astig mo na at parang wala kang problema kung hindi yung mga thesis or assignment mo. Tapos the rest, red carpet na lang. Hindi pala.

Dati kasi, nung bata ako, kapag nakikita ko nang college students na ang mga pinsan ko, parang ang cool na nila. Lalo naman mga alumni ng Mandsci :)) Parang enjoy enjoy lang. Parang they could take whatever life threw at them. A sense of power. A sense of strength to have your own path to pave.

But then i realized last week, nothing much in me has changed. Ganun pa rin pala. Problema sa grades, problema sa lovelife (?), problema sa pamilya. I still cry. And it's still about the same things. At parang maliit pa rin ang mundo ko dahil sa grip ng mga magulang ko. XD

I still love Jason Mraz. Bookworm pa rin ako. Nerd pa rin (haha. lalabas lang to kapag kasama ko ang mga nerdmigos ko XD ). Mahina pa rin sa math. Fave ko pa rin ang English.

Nothing much has changed. Probably, yung pamasahe at imbis na tricycle na papuntang mandsci, best friend ko na ngayon ang LRT at MRT. (in fairness, di ko bestfriend yung mga tao sa loob! Lalo na sa MRT XD)

Sabi nga ng Panic at the Disco: "Things have changed for me. And that's okay, I feel the same. I'm on my way."

Siguro, the strength and power i saw in my cousins or any college student wasn't from the title: "College Student." It's from the experience. The title just provides you new paths and new opportunities. Pero kung decision making at consequences, you're on your own bro. At siguro pagtagal tagal, marami ka nang matutunan. Yun na siguro yung kaastigan na tinutukoy ko noong bata pa ako. :)

Kaya naman, Hello college life. I don't expect to be treated well most of the time, but please do give me one heck of a ride. ;)

Pahabol lang: Medyo narealize ko rin na, it doesn't really matter kung saang university ka nag-aral. Dahil makikita mo pa rin ang mga kumag mong kaklase mula sa Mandsci :))) Haha. XD

Draft

"   ambergris (-gries') n. a secretion of the sperm whale, used in perfumes.

     ambidextrous adj. using both hands equally well.
 
     ambience n. surroundings, atmosphere. Also, ambiance. --ambient, adj.   "

Words of the day huh. I never knew that whales were used for perfumes... *Flips the newspaper pages*.

The Obituary
Honey Monroe, August 5, 2003 - April 23, 2010

I could only stare at that page.

"She ran away and got into an accident. Honey, it wasn't your fault. The time of that little girl's death was a lot earlier than when you arrived there. " Mom asked me. I was waiting for her in this cafe. I was reading the newspaper before she came.

"I know Mom. It's just, what if i got there earlier? I could've at least helped her."

"Oh honey, you have to move on. We had a great day didn't we? I'll drive you to your apartment." she said with a smile, she was right.

I nodded and we went our way.



My name is Beatrice Stranger. You can call me Bea. I'm a Med student at the Smith University and I temporarily live in an apartment near the university.

"Take care of yourself Bea." Mom said as she dropped me off.

*Creak* The wooden stairs are really old. The landlady here is really nice. But her apartment doesn't really attract many boarders. I'm the only tenant in my floor.

*she grabs the door knob and opens the door*

This is my apartment. It's not much but I can call it home, for the meantime at least. This is the small kitchen, the bathroom, my bed... oh that's my favorite pillow. I always hug that one before i go to sleep. 

I'll Save You [A Short Story]

1. I love her.

It was a bleak room made of stone. Stone walls. Stone floor. Stone tables. There was wood--tables, chairs, shelves. A lot. Books, most were kept on the shelves, the others were scattered everywhere, open on marked pages. There was this huge iron cauldron. A Knight and a wizard were sitting on the small oak table. 

"How can I save her? I've gathered the five Sacred stones and mastered the Sword Arts. I've been here for three months! Can't i go to the Forbidden Fortress to save her?" The Knight, Keith, questioned the wizard.

The Wizard looked at him with wise eyes. He raised his eyebrow and opened his mouth:

"You have followed every word i have said. And i think, you're ready. Are you? Do you want to do this? The chances are you're not coming back." he said.

"I don't care. Wise Wizard, I love her. I love Elise. She's my life. Without her, i'd rather to cease breathing." Keith replied. 

"Very well. This is the map you're going to need. The Forbidden Fortress is right in the middle of the Enchanted Forest. I wish you all the best." The Wizard opened the map, stood up and handed it over to Keith. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. I'm coming for you. 

The sun rises and it sets. After 5 suns, Keith finally saw the foot of the castle he had been searching for. He had been through a lot--captured a few pixies, killed an ogre and almost poisoned by some unfamiliar fruit. The moon was full tonight. It reminded him of Elise--they would often watch the moon in their porch.

"I miss her. I miss our house. I miss our street. I miss TV. I miss my IPhone. I miss the toilet and its seat. I miss our hot shower. I miss my world." he thought to himself. 

"I've been here for three months! It's been so long. Everything seems like it's from a fairytale. Elise being trapped in a castle. Me? A knight?" he chuckled and later on slept with the thoughts of Elise.

.........................................................................................................

The following day, he ventured into the castle. Thick thorny vines crawling up upon the walls. Stone statues who seem to have succumbed to green moss. It was a dreadful place to be in. 

But alas! He hears some singing...

"I love you more today than yesterdayyy...." 

That sweet voice was Elise's! It was the song playing while they were dancing at prom. It, too, was the song playing at their dance at the reception of their wedding. 

"Sweet sweet Elise, i'm coming for you." he thought. 

He broke all the Magic Seals, defeated the sleeping monsters and even got some treasures.

He saw the door on the topmost floor. He could hear her. He could feel her. 

Keith held the metal knob of the huge wooden door. 

"But not as much as tomorrow..." she kept singing. 

He opened the door. There she was. She was staring out the window and turned around to face him. She smiled. So sweetly. 

He walked slowly towards her. Time seemed to stop when he was with her. 

She held out her hand.

He was reaching for it. 

He smiled.

She smiled.

He shed a tear.

She was shedding a lot. 

"I'll save you." he said.

"I'll save you." she said.

Then everything went black. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. I'll save you. 

It was a white hospital room where the local business man, Keith was kept. There were a lot of instruments inside the room. 

The door opened, his wife Elise and a doctor went in.

"Is he coming back?" she asked the doctor.

"The chances are he's not coming back. He's been in comatose for three months, if you pull the plug, i believe he won't make it through. It could be instant death." the doctor replied.

"He must be in so much emptiness." she uttered.

"Are you sure you're cutting life supply?" the doctor asked again.

"Yes. Could you leave us alone for a few minutes?" she made her decision. It was too much--the pain, the bills, everything. The doctor went out.

...............................................................................................

"I love you honey. I didn't mean for the accident to happen." she sobbed right beside him. 

She began to sing. "I love you more today than yesterday..." she was holding his hand. 

"I can't stand seeing you like this. Isn't painful? What does it feel like? Can we make it? I don't know. You can't answer me. The doctors can't. 

I'm so sorry." she had the room to herself and it was the few minutes before Keith died, she didn't want to hold back. 

....................................................................................................

She called the doctor. It was time. 

She held Keith's hand. 

3...2.......1...

At that final second---

She was in tears. 

Keith seemed like he shed a tear.

She felt Keith's hand tighten onto her hold.

She saw him moving his lips.

"I'll save you."

BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

One machine went. The crests and troughs it displayed became just a flat line. The doctor had pulled the plug. 

The chances are he's not coming back. 

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Stop Euthanasia. Give everybody a chance. :)

Finally! Nakapagsulat ulit. Sana nagustuhan niyo. :D mahaba at medyo weid yung umpisa. haha! :))

Can't Say Goodbye.wmv

8:33 am --- March 22, 2010

Everyone's so caught up in facebook no one would bother to read this naman.

Yes, it is the morning of the graduation. And no, this is not one of those emotional blog-happenings about the ending of high school and such. but it is emotional.

i just feeeeel so bad.

 

Kagabi, i was crying. as in. my eyes would be like wide open like this : 0_0

and then, when i think of a sad thought, tears would just roll down.

 

Ayun. so para akong autistic kagabi. admitted naman e. :))
so na share ko naman yung problem ko sa dalawang tao.

sabi nung isa, OA daw ako.

sabi nung isa, tama lang daw.

 

ewan ko. naiiyak ako e. oa na kung oa, pero iniisip ko bakit ganun? kung kausapin nila ako, parang dapat lang na naachieve ko yun. na parang, buti na lang nasatisfy ko sila. na nameet yung expectations nila at they would have something to say to other people.

well in short, i feel underappreciated. yeah. ang sama ko. it's like ive done so much for them, and they dont even appreciate it. oo, masama na kung masama, na nageexpect ako ng something in return. pero bakit ganun. ang inaappreciate nila, ay yung mga sarili nila, yung nagawa nila para sa kin. bakit ako hindi nila inaappreciate yung efforts ko mismo? wala siguro kayong naiintindihan dito, kung may nagbabasa man. haha.

well at some part, oo iniisip ko rin na OA ako. eh kasi naman e, kung ganun sila. edi ganun sila. bakit ko sila pakikialaman. kung gagraduate man ako at magiispeech dun, hindi ko gagawin yun para sa kanila. kung di para sa sarili ko.

if that's the way they are then i should just deal with it. they sort of have a point. i just feel bad about myself because i see how other parents react. maybe in some part, naiinggit lang ako, dahil hindi sila ganun sa akin.

ngayon, nagfflashback lahat ng ikinatampo ko ngayong year. nakakaiyak. lagi na lang akong talo. pero bayaan ko na. magcocollege na ko, in a five years, i'll be free.

 

all i needed was some attention. but they made me feel like i was more of an obligation. ayoko na, naiiyak na naman ako dito. baka mukha akong sabog mamaya.

bahala na si Lord!

Crossroads of Fame. -- JS Prom 2010

Prom. :)) held at cmshs March 5 2010

A Night of What Ifs and Maybes -- Prom Night 2010

March 5 2010.

 

Prom Night.

One night of a lifetime.

One night of What If's and Maybes.

One night where anything could happen.

One night where anything could be said.

Or Maybe you didnt make it happen.

Or Maybe you left so much things unsaid.

And Maybe you didnt even try to take the Maybe.

I mean, It's One night, no---it's THE Night.

Where you can win it all or lose it all.

Or maybe he/she will just forget about it.

It's a night of What If's and Maybes after all.

 

Eleven hairpins clipped on my head. Or maybe twelve.

Three white feathers on my head. Or maybe four.

90 minutes in the salon. Or maybe more.

34 tables for students. Or maybe less.

24 pairs of cotillion dancers, Or maybe less.

Seven types of food on the buffet table. Or maybe less.

Thousands of pictures in digital cameras. Or maybe more.

One friend to give my most learned advice.

Seven guys to dance with me. Or maybe less.

Two of which who cried.

One who made me cry.

And One whom I shared One secret on the dancefloor.

One secret never to be heard again. Maybe.

 

One Mindset you have to have.

A thousand chances you missed.

Or maybe. you shouldnt have.

 

Prom Night --- A Night of What If's and Maybe's.

What if the circumstances were right,

Maybe ______________________________________________

and so on.

It is your Night after all.

Graduation D:

Start:	Mar 22, '10 6:00p
Location:	Schooool :|

The jumping off point towards college! :)) half excited. half nervous.

JS Prom 2010

Start:	Mar 5, '10 5:00p
Location:	Schooool :|

Prom. :))

Ang Kwento ng Shaded Circles -- January 18, 2010

pero actually, january 19 na. =)) at 3:37 na ng umaga. :) Gumawa ako ng calculus, nagnotes sa filipino at gumagawa rin ng notes sa chem at TLE. ang lupit =)) XD <galing kay louise b. ang title =)) >

anyway. eto na nga yung blog ko. sabi ko sayo Johnray e. magbblog ako =)) so eto naaa.

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it was today that the UPCAT results came out.

it was one of the most anticipated results of college entrance tests for those who took it. it was a prestigious school of course, it was a big deal if you got in. if you didnt, maybe it was the quota or maybe it isnt for you.

so anyway, it was the last of the big four to release results. UP, Ateneo, La Salle and UST. all their results have been released to happy/sad senior students of high school.

we were at the classroom, it was still morning, then a text came out. cherry mae passed UP, then gel. their parents went to UP, i think. everyone got agitated. people started calling their parents and stuff. after a few hours, Charmille announced a few of our classmates who passed UP. people even got more tense and excited. even the atmosphere was tense, it was raining now and it was very humid. and just before our economics class started: BOOM. the results of the UPCAT were posted on the net. the people in the room found their ways to the results. :)) people were shouting and screaming and congratulating one another.

I was still staring at all of them. :)

My brain thought: Are they really happy? Or havent they realized that this is really all over?

 

Oh boy.

High school is ending. And i've been blogging about that the whole year. And heaven knows i cant get over it. Maybe that's why i cried.

amidst all of the excitement and sheer bliss my classmates were experiencing--and even though I was informed i passed UP as well--i cried.

I cried because a part of me is denying the fact that this would all be over soon. A part of me cried because I was going to ateneo--a lot of my classmates are going to UP. That same part of me felt cold. I was going to go through college, partly alone.

well i guess i'm exaggerating =)) i'm not gonna be alone. actually i already know a few people going there. :) but the thing is that,

 

BACK TO ZERO ANG LAHAT.

 

and i really think i'm weak because i cant accept that.

 

I've gained friends in high school--great wonderful friends, i've met the best teachers ever, shared unforgettable moments with people here, found love, gained confidence in myself, learned how to trust others and myself...

I'VE GAINED EVERYTHING, TO LOSE IT ALL.

 

Parang ganun yung sentiments ko. =)) Excited akong magcollege. pero part of me ay natatakot at ayaw mawala to. ganun lang talaga siguro akong tao, masyadong mapaghalaga.

siguro emo lang talaga ako, at naisip ko ang mga ganitong bagay =))

 

4:02 am na. nagugutom na ko. nagluluto na ng almusal. :)) papasok pa ko at mag-peperiodical exams =)) Wala akong naaral XDDD woohooo!

sige sige. aalis na ko, may one hour pa bago magfive. magnnotes pa ko sa TLE. : )

Present :)

Ayun. medyo may aftershock pa ang mga pangyayari nung saturday. i passed ateneo and may scholarship. Shit. pwede akong magaral dun!

tapos yun. medyo

IV - Calcium Directory

Haha. bakit ngayon ko lang naisip na iupload ito. :)) XD anyway, andaming nagtatanong e =)) ayan. :D

What if tears stained clothes?

:| i feel terrible. EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER NA NAMAN. tama na, ayoko na.

ngayong linggo, siguro mga dalawang bote ng 1.5 coke ang lumabas sa king luha. =)) grabe. ano ba naman. Super BV ako ngayon. SOBRA.

may nagsabi sa kin, kung sino yung mga taong nagpapasaya sayo, sila din ang makakapagpaiyak sayo. hmm. ano ba, medyo totoo to. naverify ko na. :))

may narealize din akong isa pa, bakit ganon, kapag alam ng isang tao na upset ako sa kanila, inoofferan ako ng pagkain. =)) my mom was like: abba, california maki o. I was like: okay. but in my mind i was thinking wth that would do to the situation.

they heard me crying i guess. my dad saw me in tears. and tinulugan ko na silang lahat. not to mention hws ko. wala pa kong nagagawa. buti nga nagising na ko. :)

kapag upset ba ako, mahirap ba akong i-approach? hm. my mom seems to exhibit that. she was already beside me, and yet she didnt say anything about it. ganon ba ang pnproduce kong aura? well anyway, i never get anything clear with words, probably i'd just cry and say nonsensical things.

thinking about it, lahat ng gusot namin sa bahay ganon e. may sasabihin sila sa kin, iiyak ako mag-isa. they'll start talking to me like nothing happened. and i'll start doing that too. tapos ayun, mababaon na sa limot yun. ----reflecting about that routine, if we just leave matters untouched, does that really fix anything?

okay, may dalawang hypothesis ako. either:

 1) it doesnt really fix anything, all the pressures and disappointments build up in the hearts of those people involved and are set to explode at any moment. possibly hold grudges and fake smiles kind of thing.

2) It is the Language of the World. :) I remember the Alchemist. there are languages not spoken with words, rather by signs and omens. when two hearts talk silently and utter words of 'Sorry.' or 'I forgive you.'

 

hay. medyo ok na ako, at least nakapagblog na. ansama talaga ng feeling. kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na ayaw kong umiyak, ganon pa rin, bakit kaya. sawang-sawa na ko. if you live on faith and trust, and they don't give it back. it's just terrible.

i just want to be happy---sane, at least.

 

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magbbday nga pala si faith. haberday. >:D<