Romanticism to Realism.

Sigh. Wala naman sigurong magbabasa nito. :)) Hmm. matagal-tagal na rin since nagblog ako out of pure emotion. (di ko nga nagawa freshman year blog thingy)

Amazing, how much I haven't changed yet I learn so much (I guess yung change). Siyempre, hanggang ngayon, problema pamily + lovelife. Hasn't really changed, i guess my fault. Di ako nagbabago eh. Pero in fairness ah, tintry ko naman magbago, ayaw lang talaga. Masakit. Oh well, that's life. :))

May mga bagay akong natutunan ngayon ngayon lang! (Mga bagay na hindi ko talaga naisip dati at naisip ko pero di ko inakalang totoo).

1. Numero uno: There will be people out to test your patience and even if they go too far, you just have to extend your patience.  

-Hmm. Siyempre matagal ko nang alam na may mga taong nabuhay para mang-irita (lolOA =)) ) Mahaba rin ang pasensya ko at bihira akong mapuno. Kaya kapag napupuno ako, go lang. i'll be frank and address the issue. Ngayon ko lang naexperience na ganito, na magtimpi, kahit lagpas-lagpas na. May mga taong hindi kayang ma-take ang sasabihin ko sa kanila (matagal ko nang alam yan) pero this time, i actually care about their feelings. Siguro ang consequence ng first realization is that: inevitably, people you care about will hurt you at times, but you should remember to check their intentions (if you know they care and it was unintentional, you know what to do).

2. You can't expect people to act the way you want them to. (small scale actions)

--So far naman kasi, I get what I want. When i want people to apologize, they do. If i want to piss them off, i piss them off. Idk, manipulative person nga pala ako. Hahha. Ngayon kaya? Err ewan, basta itong no. 2. dapat mas specific, dapat ito ata: You can't expect the people you care about to act the way you want them to. Kahit may pakialam ka sa kanila, di ka pa rin sila. Disappointing, siyempre, lalo na sa akin, matagal-tagal bago ako magtrust ng tao. Bago ako magcare nang bongga sa kanila. Siyempre, marami akong drama sa mundo (sa bahay, sa lahat), masakit talaga sa akin. Matagal ko nang iniisip na magpaka-antisocial. Okay, joke lang, hindi naman. =)) Matagal ko nang naiisip na ayoko nang magtrust ng tao, pero hindi anti-social ah. I open up my heart to a few. It's just a bit disappointing that those I don't open up my heart to are the ones who care more (or care effectively). Sigh. Naguiguilty lang ako, andaming nagccare sa akin but I remain closed to them. :/ Idk, they don't know me that much but they care, is this a sign of genuine concern or is it naive concern? 

3. Ang galing ni Jason Mraz. (siyempre matagal ko nang alam yan, gusto ko lang sabihin ulit.)

--Astig pare. He snapped me out of all the drama. Shet. From HS to college, ikaw pa rin. <:

4. It will get harder and harder for you to trust. 

--Naisip ko na ba to dati? Hindi ata eh. Naisip ko lang dati: It's hard for me to trust. Akala ko stagnant lang yun. Mag-iincrease pala ang intensity. Sorry na, ngayon ko lang naisip eh. I will get hurt, no matter what. Kahit gaanong pagprevent ang gawin ko. Mangyayari yun. Bv lang kasi ayokong nasasaktan. Masyado na akong maraming self-inflicted emotional damage at past drama, ayoko na may mga dumagdag. Ang defense mechanism ko siguro ay yung hindi pagtrust sa more people. I have a selected few right now. But then who's to say they won't hurt me either? Hmm. I wouldn't know. Pero kahit papaano, masarap mag-open up. Masarap magkuwento. Masarap ng nasshare ang happiness at may nakikihati sa pain. Which one should I go for? 

5. No matter how good you think you are or you can be the world isn't interested in you.

--honestly, di ko naisip na masisikmura ko na to. Akala ko if you just believe and shit, things will come. Pero it doesn't look like it anymore. You have to keep up with the world if you want it to notice you. You have to change if you want to please. 

6. (siyempre dahil sa number five, naisip ko na...) Why should you care about the world? 

--if the change is drastic and is for the worse, it's not worth it. If it causes you pain, it's not worth it. And well, the world is temporary. What's important is what's on the other side. I just have to bank on that. I guess this means that i'm gonna cut down on the things i care about here. Hahahaha. Too bad.

Romanticism < Realism

The world is fucked up. It's fucking you and screwing with your head. 

^Okay, masyado namang bitter to for me. =)) Well, it's partly true. Siguro dahil mainit lang ang dugo ko kaya nasasabi ko yan. I still have that bad temper. I hate getting angry. Wag kasing ubusin ang pasensya ko eh. Although yeah, feeling ngayon ko lang natitikman ang realism. I was always a romantic, you see. Ganito pala. Nakakainis. Nakakabv. Andami kong depressions before, yes. Pero, ako naman ang may problema nun eh, ayoko rin sa kanila at OA ako, dito, hindi ako OA, i actually think na matinu-tino ang kinikilos ko sa mga taong ito at binigay ko lahat ng kaya ko. ganito pala. 

Although, may mga tao pa rin naman na napagkakatiwalaan ko. mga taong nakakakilala sa akin, lalo na ang lahat ng masama sa akin na hindi nakikita ng lahat. Tanggap nila na iyakin ako. Tanggap nila na masama ako magalit. Tanggap nila na iniisip ko (dati?) na kaya kong pabagsakin ang sinumang humarang sa akin. Tanggap nilang kailangan ko sila para baguhin ako. The realist world is testing me to untrust these people. The romantic world is testing me to keep on trusting them and look forward to new ones who are willing. 

Saan ba ako masaya? 

Sino ba ang mga taong nagpapasaya sa akin? 

Napapasaya ko ba sila?

Bakit nila ako sinasaktan?
Bakit ko sila sinasaktan?
Bakit ganito ang mga iniisip ko? 

I am an intellectual, I refuse to succumb to my emotions (regardless of how much power they have on me). Everything will be better in the morning. Mag-isa man or may kasama, i'll be fine. I know God is with me. Perhaps nagsusulat lang ako ng ganito para mawala na to. Log din. :)) Things happen for a reason. 

whether or not i'm a romantic or a realist now. The hell with that. =)) 

Kung may nagtiyaga mang magbasa nito. Thanks. It means a lot to me. Kahit papano nashare mo tong emosyon ko. :)) Kahit di ko alam kung sino ka. Sana hindi masyadong mabigat. Sana natuto ka. Alam ko natuto ako. 

Love at 2011. [A Poem]

Love at 2011

by Abba Marie Moreno

"Single" to "in a relationship" to "engaged,"

Those facebook statuses always change.

Those archives in YM grow longer than long,

Moving and swaying to Jason Mraz' song.

The nights, they pass, they pass away,

To usher the new morning without delay.

From letters to e-mail, from e-mail to texts,

From texts to chat to means far more complex.

From "Romeo and Juliet" to the great big screen,

The stories go on, more than we've seen.

The days, they pass, they pass away,

To usher the sweet evenings without delay.

From "Hi :)" to "Hello :)," "Hello :)" to "How are you? :)"

100 more "How are you's" will then translate to "I like you."

Facebook seems to smile and Twitter bird sings too,

In celebration of these feelings new to you.

The nights and days, they pass away,

Nonetheless, love is here to stay. 

=============================================================

Finally, made something. \m/

2011 Resolutions

It's the first time actually, that i'm making a list of resolutions. (Well you know, except the ones they make you do in CL class in elementary).

Probably, it's because i've realized that i've done so many wrong things in my life. 

Generally, i'm happy, but then from time to time i just break down and be a mess for my friends to pick up after. 

This year's gonna be different. No, starting this year, everything will be different. :)

1. I will do my best not to cry anymore. [Naks, totoo yan. ;)]

2. I will not go emo anymore. [Because I have awesome friends that are there for me. So why bother?]

3. I will do a better job of keeping the people I love happy.

4. If I do ever fall in love / like someone, I will not try to fight / deny it to myself, at least.

5. I will put God above all things. 

And yes, procrastination is not on the list. I do not lie. :))

Okay. 3.30 AM. Alone now. 

Hey what'd you know, I've been living for more than 17 years now. 

Gah. I'm turning 18 this year. They can put me in jail. D:

2010 was a big year for me. As in like, Ginormous. 

Andaming drama, pare. 

And well, I've done so many things I regret now.

I've made other people shed tears--and my own too. 

I get lost in the things I want that I end up having nothing.

I've done and said things I'm not proud of. 

And well, I've kept them all with me, the whole year.

All these negative feelings toward specific persons and to myself.

I carried them, all the way til this second.

But no longer. Starting now, 

I am going to let go of all of them.

And finally forgive myself. 

Nothing good will come out of sulking. 

I should just move on and learn from them, right?
Sounds cliche but hey, I really find it hard to do. 

You all know me, OC on mistakes. 

Ang dami kong narealize this year. 

Sobra.

AS IN. MAJOR MAJOR.

All in a plan. :)

Pero, marami naman din akong magandang karanasan noong 2010. 

I've made a lot of people smile and laugh. 

I've gotten physical distance from old friends

and met new ones. 

Haha. Naggraduate ako ng HS. At ngayon, nasa kolehiyo na. 

I've learned a lot [nerd alert!].

I've had a lot of priceless moments that will forever stay with me. 

Thank you, 2010. :)

Ngayong 2011,

I've got a pocket full of new perspective,

a whole bag of determination,

and 365 days worth of road ahead. 

I have family and friends with me. 

And I'm looking at this road with high hopes. 

Who knows? Baka ma-A ko ang math. [naks.]

Baka matapos ko yung poem collection ko.

Baka di na ako mag-emo! :))

Baka ma-inlove ako :">

Baka magpahaba ako ng buhok. XD
Baka gumanda pa ako lalo. :"> [or baka pumangit. :)) ]

Pwede ring,

matulog ako,

at baka hindi na ako magising.

I wanna live everyday of this year like it's my last. 

2011, here I come. :)

God be with me. 

3:48AM Jan1,2011