well this is sort of my version of Kuya marc's rants over at the GreenChronicles.
i always wonder why my life seems to breeze past me. i mean. one minute i'm sitting in class the next second i'm somewhere i dont want to be in.
i'm really starting to get ticked off by these contests. i'm very BUSY. yeah. i'm VERY BUSY. i've been saying that all the time. Using it as an excuse which really is the reason. I missed how much? i'm not talking about the quizzes or the grades or the classes i've missed. but the people i've denied my presence of. my friends. my family. the people i want to be with.
it's depressing that i cant stand up and say NO. Do i like the pressure? the rewards? the success? the depression? the complication? being not there when i need to be there the most? what's happening? i promised myself that i would take control of MY life. But why cant i seem to stop this madness? was it because people are expecting me to do this? or was it no one else CAN do it? Rather no else WANTS to do it?
Cant i deny those people? 3 days ago, i was crying. I was horribly frustrated because nothing seemed to go my way. i couldnt do homework. i was just in my room, depressed. i missed two birthdays of the two people i love. how can i memorize Seratonin -- C10H12N2O and not realize that it's a birthday of my dear friend?! what type of android have i become? have i ceased to become human and started to erase emotions?
i have not been writing lately. i have not been drawing lately. all those things that i once thought was fun. i cant seem to do them. why? because i'm BUSY. VERY BUSY.
everything seems so ironic. so sarcastic. the weather is mocking me. the flowers, birds and trees! they all mock me with their NOT BUSY lives. i want to take life, step by step. not like the movie "CLICK". my world is not remote-controlled. i take control. God does.
