Ang Kwento ng Shaded Circles -- January 18, 2010

pero actually, january 19 na. =)) at 3:37 na ng umaga. :) Gumawa ako ng calculus, nagnotes sa filipino at gumagawa rin ng notes sa chem at TLE. ang lupit =)) XD <galing kay louise b. ang title =)) >

anyway. eto na nga yung blog ko. sabi ko sayo Johnray e. magbblog ako =)) so eto naaa.

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it was today that the UPCAT results came out.

it was one of the most anticipated results of college entrance tests for those who took it. it was a prestigious school of course, it was a big deal if you got in. if you didnt, maybe it was the quota or maybe it isnt for you.

so anyway, it was the last of the big four to release results. UP, Ateneo, La Salle and UST. all their results have been released to happy/sad senior students of high school.

we were at the classroom, it was still morning, then a text came out. cherry mae passed UP, then gel. their parents went to UP, i think. everyone got agitated. people started calling their parents and stuff. after a few hours, Charmille announced a few of our classmates who passed UP. people even got more tense and excited. even the atmosphere was tense, it was raining now and it was very humid. and just before our economics class started: BOOM. the results of the UPCAT were posted on the net. the people in the room found their ways to the results. :)) people were shouting and screaming and congratulating one another.

I was still staring at all of them. :)

My brain thought: Are they really happy? Or havent they realized that this is really all over?

 

Oh boy.

High school is ending. And i've been blogging about that the whole year. And heaven knows i cant get over it. Maybe that's why i cried.

amidst all of the excitement and sheer bliss my classmates were experiencing--and even though I was informed i passed UP as well--i cried.

I cried because a part of me is denying the fact that this would all be over soon. A part of me cried because I was going to ateneo--a lot of my classmates are going to UP. That same part of me felt cold. I was going to go through college, partly alone.

well i guess i'm exaggerating =)) i'm not gonna be alone. actually i already know a few people going there. :) but the thing is that,

 

BACK TO ZERO ANG LAHAT.

 

and i really think i'm weak because i cant accept that.

 

I've gained friends in high school--great wonderful friends, i've met the best teachers ever, shared unforgettable moments with people here, found love, gained confidence in myself, learned how to trust others and myself...

I'VE GAINED EVERYTHING, TO LOSE IT ALL.

 

Parang ganun yung sentiments ko. =)) Excited akong magcollege. pero part of me ay natatakot at ayaw mawala to. ganun lang talaga siguro akong tao, masyadong mapaghalaga.

siguro emo lang talaga ako, at naisip ko ang mga ganitong bagay =))

 

4:02 am na. nagugutom na ko. nagluluto na ng almusal. :)) papasok pa ko at mag-peperiodical exams =)) Wala akong naaral XDDD woohooo!

sige sige. aalis na ko, may one hour pa bago magfive. magnnotes pa ko sa TLE. : )

Present :)

Ayun. medyo may aftershock pa ang mga pangyayari nung saturday. i passed ateneo and may scholarship. Shit. pwede akong magaral dun!

tapos yun. medyo

IV - Calcium Directory

Haha. bakit ngayon ko lang naisip na iupload ito. :)) XD anyway, andaming nagtatanong e =)) ayan. :D

What if tears stained clothes?

:| i feel terrible. EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER NA NAMAN. tama na, ayoko na.

ngayong linggo, siguro mga dalawang bote ng 1.5 coke ang lumabas sa king luha. =)) grabe. ano ba naman. Super BV ako ngayon. SOBRA.

may nagsabi sa kin, kung sino yung mga taong nagpapasaya sayo, sila din ang makakapagpaiyak sayo. hmm. ano ba, medyo totoo to. naverify ko na. :))

may narealize din akong isa pa, bakit ganon, kapag alam ng isang tao na upset ako sa kanila, inoofferan ako ng pagkain. =)) my mom was like: abba, california maki o. I was like: okay. but in my mind i was thinking wth that would do to the situation.

they heard me crying i guess. my dad saw me in tears. and tinulugan ko na silang lahat. not to mention hws ko. wala pa kong nagagawa. buti nga nagising na ko. :)

kapag upset ba ako, mahirap ba akong i-approach? hm. my mom seems to exhibit that. she was already beside me, and yet she didnt say anything about it. ganon ba ang pnproduce kong aura? well anyway, i never get anything clear with words, probably i'd just cry and say nonsensical things.

thinking about it, lahat ng gusot namin sa bahay ganon e. may sasabihin sila sa kin, iiyak ako mag-isa. they'll start talking to me like nothing happened. and i'll start doing that too. tapos ayun, mababaon na sa limot yun. ----reflecting about that routine, if we just leave matters untouched, does that really fix anything?

okay, may dalawang hypothesis ako. either:

 1) it doesnt really fix anything, all the pressures and disappointments build up in the hearts of those people involved and are set to explode at any moment. possibly hold grudges and fake smiles kind of thing.

2) It is the Language of the World. :) I remember the Alchemist. there are languages not spoken with words, rather by signs and omens. when two hearts talk silently and utter words of 'Sorry.' or 'I forgive you.'

 

hay. medyo ok na ako, at least nakapagblog na. ansama talaga ng feeling. kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na ayaw kong umiyak, ganon pa rin, bakit kaya. sawang-sawa na ko. if you live on faith and trust, and they don't give it back. it's just terrible.

i just want to be happy---sane, at least.

 

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magbbday nga pala si faith. haberday. >:D<

Happy New Year. :D Get ready to start a new decade guys. ;)

How I Spent the First Decade of the Millenium.

Well yeah. I have to do this sort of thing before the year ends. :)) so it's been like ten years since the new year i remember, i was holding a mug--the design was there were letters celebrating and they spelled out Millenium. yeah. it was still all so vivid. XD

ano na nga bang ginawa ko sa buhay ko? :)) hmmm.

• hmm. nag-aral ako for the past 10 years. <well dapat lang talaga>
• well, i learned how to write and enjoy it. :D so bale, i've been writing for 5 years. :)
• ah, for 10 years, anime lover ako! wooooo! mabuhay ang anime! XD
• I got sent to the guidance 1 time. :)
• I was late to school, how many times? Zero, beybe. XD
• Times absent? hmm. siguro mga 20 - 30 times. :) <dahil sa sakit, pagkatamad o pagddrama, o kunyari may sakit XD >
• Nagdrama nang 1000 times dahil sa pag-iisip ng course ko sa college. XD
• Been closer to God for like 4 years. <thanks to the Bible Study nila kuya paul! :) >
• Never pa nagboyfriend. <ew.> XD 
• Na-inlove nang 3 beses.
• Na-heartbroken nang 3 beses.
• Nagkacrush nang Positive-Infinity na beses. XXDD <hanggang sa loob ng anime e. XD >
• Nagbago ng hairdo 1 time. :)) yeah. ngayong fourth year lang. XD
• Nakipagsabunutan ng 1 time. XD hi to Paula dehesa. XD
• Nabangga rin ako ng bisikleta at nagkablack-eye ng isang beses. :))
• Nagtangkang maglayas ng ilang beses.
• Ginustong mamatay ng ilang beses rin. [emo XD]
• Nagkaron ng mga astig na kaibigan. :)
• Fortunately, kasama pa rin ang pamilya. :D
• Kinaya ang mga pagsubok ng buhay at humihinga pa rin hanggang ngayon.
• at, mali pala, 4 na beses akong na-inlove. :)
• Naging optimist. [sa wakas!]
• At ngayon ay medyo excited at kinakabahan sa palapit kong pagkokolehiyo. :D

I want to see the world :D 2010 would be fine start. :)

But I wont go unless you all come with me. :>

 

Happy New Year Guys! <advanced happy new year rather. :D>

I hope this would be a fine year for all of us. :)

Rational. [A Poem]

So. it's like my first poem for like months--i think a year. haha. you know, like a poem poem. :)) i guess i was too busy and all that. and frankly, the year was quite well, so i had not much to write about. :)

i wrote this because i was bored. it's been two days since the 25th [Merry Christmas!], and it has also been two days of my fever. :| i don't feel entirely well, but i guess this is better. well here it is. :)

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Rational
By: Blackrose

Logic. Rationality. Sense.
Think all for the sake of convenience.
Let the facts do the talking.
Let the numbers do the walking.

Bottle up emotion.



Invest in something that won't let you fall,
And never ever risk it all.
'Cause when you do, chances are,
There's a possibility to fall apart.

That is not an option.



A hundred-percent success rate.
Zero-percent unnecessary weight.
No room for uncertainty and any blind spot.
A state of security, I constantly sought.

And then I fell in love.

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Yeah. i'm that type of person. Really. i never do anything that i can't uhh, manipulate? anything that i can't ensure a great outcome. anything that i can't ever predict.

and what if that happens. i mean. WHOAH. what the hell am i supposed to do then, huh? You can't read that out from a text book or something. or calculate or anything. Well, you could conduct experiments but i think that would be just cruel :)

Things about that subject is so uncertain. I mean, you'll never know what might happen tomorrow. Pano pag nareach ko na yung point na yun? Would i risk it all for this guy that happened to trick me into falling for him? XD

I'm not the type of person who takes risks.

Well of course the answer would be like: If you love the person, trust him.


And i would just stare blankly upon hearing that.
para sa kin, mahirap kaya. =)) sa lahat ng bagay sa mundo, ayokong nasasaktan ako. [kaya nga di ako marunong maglaslas XD ]

But I do trust God. :) and i guess, if i cant trust that person, it means that i don't trust the big guy up there.

Well for the first time ever, i'm actually risking it this time. Big time.