Can't Say Goodbye.wmv

8:33 am --- March 22, 2010

Everyone's so caught up in facebook no one would bother to read this naman.

Yes, it is the morning of the graduation. And no, this is not one of those emotional blog-happenings about the ending of high school and such. but it is emotional.

i just feeeeel so bad.

 

Kagabi, i was crying. as in. my eyes would be like wide open like this : 0_0

and then, when i think of a sad thought, tears would just roll down.

 

Ayun. so para akong autistic kagabi. admitted naman e. :))
so na share ko naman yung problem ko sa dalawang tao.

sabi nung isa, OA daw ako.

sabi nung isa, tama lang daw.

 

ewan ko. naiiyak ako e. oa na kung oa, pero iniisip ko bakit ganun? kung kausapin nila ako, parang dapat lang na naachieve ko yun. na parang, buti na lang nasatisfy ko sila. na nameet yung expectations nila at they would have something to say to other people.

well in short, i feel underappreciated. yeah. ang sama ko. it's like ive done so much for them, and they dont even appreciate it. oo, masama na kung masama, na nageexpect ako ng something in return. pero bakit ganun. ang inaappreciate nila, ay yung mga sarili nila, yung nagawa nila para sa kin. bakit ako hindi nila inaappreciate yung efforts ko mismo? wala siguro kayong naiintindihan dito, kung may nagbabasa man. haha.

well at some part, oo iniisip ko rin na OA ako. eh kasi naman e, kung ganun sila. edi ganun sila. bakit ko sila pakikialaman. kung gagraduate man ako at magiispeech dun, hindi ko gagawin yun para sa kanila. kung di para sa sarili ko.

if that's the way they are then i should just deal with it. they sort of have a point. i just feel bad about myself because i see how other parents react. maybe in some part, naiinggit lang ako, dahil hindi sila ganun sa akin.

ngayon, nagfflashback lahat ng ikinatampo ko ngayong year. nakakaiyak. lagi na lang akong talo. pero bayaan ko na. magcocollege na ko, in a five years, i'll be free.

 

all i needed was some attention. but they made me feel like i was more of an obligation. ayoko na, naiiyak na naman ako dito. baka mukha akong sabog mamaya.

bahala na si Lord!

Crossroads of Fame. -- JS Prom 2010

Prom. :)) held at cmshs March 5 2010

A Night of What Ifs and Maybes -- Prom Night 2010

March 5 2010.

 

Prom Night.

One night of a lifetime.

One night of What If's and Maybes.

One night where anything could happen.

One night where anything could be said.

Or Maybe you didnt make it happen.

Or Maybe you left so much things unsaid.

And Maybe you didnt even try to take the Maybe.

I mean, It's One night, no---it's THE Night.

Where you can win it all or lose it all.

Or maybe he/she will just forget about it.

It's a night of What If's and Maybes after all.

 

Eleven hairpins clipped on my head. Or maybe twelve.

Three white feathers on my head. Or maybe four.

90 minutes in the salon. Or maybe more.

34 tables for students. Or maybe less.

24 pairs of cotillion dancers, Or maybe less.

Seven types of food on the buffet table. Or maybe less.

Thousands of pictures in digital cameras. Or maybe more.

One friend to give my most learned advice.

Seven guys to dance with me. Or maybe less.

Two of which who cried.

One who made me cry.

And One whom I shared One secret on the dancefloor.

One secret never to be heard again. Maybe.

 

One Mindset you have to have.

A thousand chances you missed.

Or maybe. you shouldnt have.

 

Prom Night --- A Night of What If's and Maybe's.

What if the circumstances were right,

Maybe ______________________________________________

and so on.

It is your Night after all.

Graduation D:

Start:	Mar 22, '10 6:00p
Location:	Schooool :|

The jumping off point towards college! :)) half excited. half nervous.

JS Prom 2010

Start:	Mar 5, '10 5:00p
Location:	Schooool :|

Prom. :))

Ang Kwento ng Shaded Circles -- January 18, 2010

pero actually, january 19 na. =)) at 3:37 na ng umaga. :) Gumawa ako ng calculus, nagnotes sa filipino at gumagawa rin ng notes sa chem at TLE. ang lupit =)) XD <galing kay louise b. ang title =)) >

anyway. eto na nga yung blog ko. sabi ko sayo Johnray e. magbblog ako =)) so eto naaa.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was today that the UPCAT results came out.

it was one of the most anticipated results of college entrance tests for those who took it. it was a prestigious school of course, it was a big deal if you got in. if you didnt, maybe it was the quota or maybe it isnt for you.

so anyway, it was the last of the big four to release results. UP, Ateneo, La Salle and UST. all their results have been released to happy/sad senior students of high school.

we were at the classroom, it was still morning, then a text came out. cherry mae passed UP, then gel. their parents went to UP, i think. everyone got agitated. people started calling their parents and stuff. after a few hours, Charmille announced a few of our classmates who passed UP. people even got more tense and excited. even the atmosphere was tense, it was raining now and it was very humid. and just before our economics class started: BOOM. the results of the UPCAT were posted on the net. the people in the room found their ways to the results. :)) people were shouting and screaming and congratulating one another.

I was still staring at all of them. :)

My brain thought: Are they really happy? Or havent they realized that this is really all over?

 

Oh boy.

High school is ending. And i've been blogging about that the whole year. And heaven knows i cant get over it. Maybe that's why i cried.

amidst all of the excitement and sheer bliss my classmates were experiencing--and even though I was informed i passed UP as well--i cried.

I cried because a part of me is denying the fact that this would all be over soon. A part of me cried because I was going to ateneo--a lot of my classmates are going to UP. That same part of me felt cold. I was going to go through college, partly alone.

well i guess i'm exaggerating =)) i'm not gonna be alone. actually i already know a few people going there. :) but the thing is that,

 

BACK TO ZERO ANG LAHAT.

 

and i really think i'm weak because i cant accept that.

 

I've gained friends in high school--great wonderful friends, i've met the best teachers ever, shared unforgettable moments with people here, found love, gained confidence in myself, learned how to trust others and myself...

I'VE GAINED EVERYTHING, TO LOSE IT ALL.

 

Parang ganun yung sentiments ko. =)) Excited akong magcollege. pero part of me ay natatakot at ayaw mawala to. ganun lang talaga siguro akong tao, masyadong mapaghalaga.

siguro emo lang talaga ako, at naisip ko ang mga ganitong bagay =))

 

4:02 am na. nagugutom na ko. nagluluto na ng almusal. :)) papasok pa ko at mag-peperiodical exams =)) Wala akong naaral XDDD woohooo!

sige sige. aalis na ko, may one hour pa bago magfive. magnnotes pa ko sa TLE. : )