What if tears stained clothes?

:| i feel terrible. EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER NA NAMAN. tama na, ayoko na.

ngayong linggo, siguro mga dalawang bote ng 1.5 coke ang lumabas sa king luha. =)) grabe. ano ba naman. Super BV ako ngayon. SOBRA.

may nagsabi sa kin, kung sino yung mga taong nagpapasaya sayo, sila din ang makakapagpaiyak sayo. hmm. ano ba, medyo totoo to. naverify ko na. :))

may narealize din akong isa pa, bakit ganon, kapag alam ng isang tao na upset ako sa kanila, inoofferan ako ng pagkain. =)) my mom was like: abba, california maki o. I was like: okay. but in my mind i was thinking wth that would do to the situation.

they heard me crying i guess. my dad saw me in tears. and tinulugan ko na silang lahat. not to mention hws ko. wala pa kong nagagawa. buti nga nagising na ko. :)

kapag upset ba ako, mahirap ba akong i-approach? hm. my mom seems to exhibit that. she was already beside me, and yet she didnt say anything about it. ganon ba ang pnproduce kong aura? well anyway, i never get anything clear with words, probably i'd just cry and say nonsensical things.

thinking about it, lahat ng gusot namin sa bahay ganon e. may sasabihin sila sa kin, iiyak ako mag-isa. they'll start talking to me like nothing happened. and i'll start doing that too. tapos ayun, mababaon na sa limot yun. ----reflecting about that routine, if we just leave matters untouched, does that really fix anything?

okay, may dalawang hypothesis ako. either:

 1) it doesnt really fix anything, all the pressures and disappointments build up in the hearts of those people involved and are set to explode at any moment. possibly hold grudges and fake smiles kind of thing.

2) It is the Language of the World. :) I remember the Alchemist. there are languages not spoken with words, rather by signs and omens. when two hearts talk silently and utter words of 'Sorry.' or 'I forgive you.'

 

hay. medyo ok na ako, at least nakapagblog na. ansama talaga ng feeling. kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na ayaw kong umiyak, ganon pa rin, bakit kaya. sawang-sawa na ko. if you live on faith and trust, and they don't give it back. it's just terrible.

i just want to be happy---sane, at least.

 

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magbbday nga pala si faith. haberday. >:D<