Thoughts on Being Like THIS. [will be pouring my thoughts out. that was a warning. :))]

Okay. probably, you're all wondering what THIS means. Well THIS. uhhh. let's say i'm in a state of sheer happiness because i am...uh..what's the word... nevermind. i really really like this person. :)) and fortunately, it has been going well. :)

[dun sa mga nakakakilala, kunyari di niyo siya kilala para hindi nakakadistract. kailangan ko lang talaga mailabas tong mga nasa isip ko. :)) at hindi kami! XD at IKAW, kung babasahin mo man to, kunyari di ikaw to. feeler ka e. XD ]

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Thinking about this thing, i really did not expect it. alam mo yun. parang bigla na lang dadating sa buhay mo. XD I remember, nung bago magsimula yung year, i was praying to God, kung ano na mangyayari sa buhay pag-ibig ko. Tapos iniisip ko nun, siguro nasa paligid lang, di ko alam. O kaya. natraffic lang siya. :)) haha!

Nakakaaning--the whole experience just drives me nuts. Kahit anong gawin ko sa buhay ko, meron pa rin akong part na lalaki ako--like i'm not really ALL GIRL. And i'm REALLY in the stage thinking that boys are ewwwyy. XD really, i cant imagine myself going gaga over some guy. it's just disgusting. [hehehehe. no offense] and yet, ironically, i still like this guy. EWWW. katulad ng sinabi ko sa kanya nun, "I am still in shock." XDD and probably i still am. :))

It's been a learning experience actually. Well it's not the first time for me to like a guy, but it's the first time i guess, to get a positive response. Ayun. So, going back, i've experienced emotions i have never ever felt before. [The previous sentence reminds me of YOU, Kevin Hao. :"> in love din to. XDD ] Siyempre mas maganda kung inanarrate ko :))

Nagselos ako. Well. it's a terrible thing to experience. agonizing. but i got over it. :)) ang weird talaga. wala naman dapat ikaselos pero ganun pa rin. wala namang right para magselos pero ayun. well anyway, girls often feel jealous because they feel insecure. People are just like that, when they have something, they're constantly vigilant as to not lose it. [Sabi sa kin ng WGWYTK] Security is man's chiefest enemy. But i guess, trust would be the immediate remedy for this one.

Naging humble ako. Wooohooo. Sa mga nakakakilala sa akin, they probably know that my pride is one of the most valuable things to me. Ma-pride akong tao. [kapag sa sarili ko, pero kapag may nasasaktan akong iba, ibababa ko naman :)] I trust in my ability and think i can reach anything. haha! and I NEVER bow down to anyone. [na-kalevel ko :))] BUT DAMMNN! bunga ng napakaraming pang-aasar sa mundong ibabaw at ang aking uncontrollable ability to smile or laugh or whatever, GRABE! Obvious na nga ako, napapakita ko pa na siya ang weakness ko. anu ba naman yan. T_T yung inaalagaan kong pride at dignidad ay nawala. may weakness din pala ako. <except sa ipis.> ever since naman kasi, weakness ko yung mga gusto ko. eh nagkataon na ganon. Tapos sa dami ng pang-aasar na natatamo ko, marahil that guy is so full of himself and is completely satisfied. Damn it. i dont want to tolerate it, but wala kong magawa. :| <yung mga nang-aasar, sana matamaan kayo! XD >

Sa pangalawang beses sa buhay ko, di ko kayang magalit sa isang tao. Okay. sino muna yung una, siyempre si RONA ORTIZ. ILY. :)) Isang beses pa lang ako nagalit dito pero matindi noon grabe. :)) :D Anyway ayun. naaalala ko yung incident na nabadtrip ako sa kanya. <dun sa person ha, hindi si rona. :D> Nakakaasar talaga. kakausapin mo tapos parang wala lang. medyo nalimutan ko na kung bakit basta super nabadtrip ako nun. [tawagin na lang natin siya na John ha. Ang gulo na kasi nung mga pronouns at panghalip :))] So si John, nakakabadtrip. Eh di nalaman niya na badtrip ako sa kanya kasi sinabi ko. Tapos he tried to make it up to me by starting a conversation the following night. Ako naman, parang tanga. Binadtrip niya ko, edi babadtripin ko rin siya. (di ko rin siya pinansin sa school, pero feeling ko hindi niya napapansin yun. XD ) Tapos ayun. binadtrip ko siya, sabi ko, kung napipilitan lang siya, wag na niya ko kausapin. NABADTRIP SIYA nang bonggang bongga. grabe nakakatakot. :)) Di ba nga mapride ako? OO. gusto ko lang magrevenge. at kahit papano, i was pleased with the fact na nabadtrip ko rin siya. Pero kung ano mang satisfaction ang nagawa nun, it was infinitesimally small to how bad i felt. SO Ladies, i dont advise you to do that. <well if you like the guy, if you dont, uhh. go ahead? :)) XD joke> so nagsorry ako, tapos galit pa rin siya sa kin, pero sabi niya things would be fine by tomorrow. and they were. :) Tapos ngayon, parang kahit anong gawin niya, di na ko nababadtrip. di na ko naaasar o nagagalit. bahala siya sa buhay niya. =))

Naging honest ako sa feelings ko. Yeah sure, Anjilo, probably, you still think it's wrong. I'm a girl and all that. Whatever. As i've told you i'm not ALL GIRL. :)) Si louise naman din kasi nagsabi sa kin e, if you want to make things happen, dont hold anything back. So open ako sa feelings ko kay John, i mean sinasabi ko. Kung nagseselos ako, ayun sinabi ko. Kung nagagalit ako, sinabi ko rin. At kung may gusto nga ba talaga ako sa kanya, sinabi ko rin. O diba? Ang napaka-unlady-like. First of all, hindi naman kami and things like that. But i am entitled to freedom of speech right? Going back sa sinabi ni louise, hindi lang naman kasi yan applicable sa mga lalaki e. Guys walk around the earth thinking that just as long as they try, they will. And girls just have to say Yes or No. WTH. Call me liberated and untraditional but hey, ano ba, [medyo feminist ako] aren't we entitled to feel the same? Dont get me wrong, i know where my limits are, but nung sinabi ko sa kanya na gusto ko siya, i think it was just a few inches short of the boundary. Pero pasok pa rin. :)) This feeling or emotion or whatever, cannot be set by the society. There are so many unwritten rules made by invisible authors that it really bugs me. Kung tama man o mali yung ginawa ko, bahala kayo. basta masaya ako. :) I stood up for myself--ready for rejection or whatever. I guess i'm a little proud of what i did. :D <kahit mali sa iba.>

So ayun yung mga notable stuff i've experienced. Rollercoaster yan. :) It's been a pain all the way here pero it's worth it i guess. Everytime that he says that he <fine i'll use the word nga nga> loves me, it's like there's this sudden jolt of electricity that runs deep down inside and leaves you smiling. Astig. Well, Ano nga ba yung HERE? Well, frankly, i dont know. Friends kami, period. Basta, masaya ako dito. :) i dont need more or less, pero i wont mind. Wag lang muna yung more. XD

[looking back sa lahat ng sinabi ko, YUCK. KADIRI KA ABBA! EWWWW.]

God has really blessed me. :)

Sana matuto rin ako maging patient.

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salamat naman na nailabas ko to. Eh kasi naman e. kung si John ay isang tao na hindi kilala ng karamihan ay malamang matagal na kong nagpost ng ganito. pero ayun nga. andami na. :)) ang tagal ko nang hindi nagBLOG! :) i miss it so. i hope you learned something from this. :) I only posted this to my close friends. >:D< HUG guys.